i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
