this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
