I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
