cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
