***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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