Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
