When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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