she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Duck Duck Cougar?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
