Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
