Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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