508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
