i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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