when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
