no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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