Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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