Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
