I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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