thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
