Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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