now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
