just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
