hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
