highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
