Will you blow on my dice?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
