You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
