I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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