I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
