you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
