does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
