Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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