ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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