All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
