Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
