If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
