She said her name was "party"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
