I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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