I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
