Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
