So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
