When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
