not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she looked like the before picture.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize