walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How's work?
Spinning.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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