glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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