shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
