I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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