I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
