If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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