I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
there is puke in my bra ... again
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