why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
