i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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