he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
