dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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