I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize