She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
