yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
