I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
