call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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