party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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