the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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