I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Randomize
