Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
