If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
