my mouth tastes like poor choices
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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