I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
