dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
