I could make wine with my vomit
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
