Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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